MONTH OF JULY 2010

(I had to delete and repost July. That's why it's dated July 16.)

JULY 1
In our original plan, we were supposed to meet and have dinner in Stratford tonight. Our relationship fell apart in May instead - by chance or design - and I lost him...twice! I love and miss him, but I’m not going to write about him in my blog anymore. I’m sure my readers have had enough, so onto other things: HAPPY CANADA DAY! I'm not Canadian, but I couldn't resist this:

WHAT DO WE CANADIANS HAVE TO BE PROUD OF?

1. Smarties (not in the USA).
2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp (not in the USA).
3. The size of our football fields, one less down and bigger balls.
4. Baseball is Canadian - 1st game played June 4, 1838 in Ingersoll, Ontario.
5. Lacrosse is Canadian.
6. Hockey is Canadian.
7. Basketball is Canadian.
8. Apple pie is Canadian.
9. Mr. Dress-up beats Mr. Rogers.
10. Tim Hortons beats Dunkin' Donuts.
11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back past their White House then we burned it and most of Washington. We got bored because they ran away. Then, we came home and partied...Go figure.
12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
13. We have the largest English population that never, ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere. EVER! (We got clobbered in the odd battle but prevailed in ALL the wars!)
14. Our civil war was fought in a bar and lasted a little over an hour.
15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary. He slept in and missed the whole thing. He showed up just in time to get caught.
16. A Canadian invented Standard Time.
17. The Hudson's Bay Company once owned 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the world's oldest company.
18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes. (That's more information than I need to know!)
19. We know what to do with the parts of a buffalo.
20. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, Velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, and the telephone. Also short wave radios, which save countless lives each year.
21. We have ALL frozen our tongues to metal and lived to tell about it.
22. A Canadian invented Superman.
23. We have colored money.
24. Our beer advertisements kick ass (Incidentally...so does our beer BUT MOST IMPORTANT...
25. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands in with mitts on.
(Author Unknown)

JULY 2
It's been an emotional roller coaster. I do self-treatment bodywork techniques to release some of the trauma. The best way to help myself, though, is to work on someone else. The therapist receives as much benefit as the client does during a session.

JULY 3
It was hot today so I stayed inside, where it was cooler. But, the night always entices and intrigues me, so I venture out. (I love star-gazing and watching for UFOs.) I can hear fireworks going off somewhere nearby, but they must be on the ground because there's nothing visible. I missed seeing the fireworks in Stratford on July 1. I enjoy watching the colorful explosions in the night sky. I love the loud percussion clap of the detonation and the cascading sparks as they rain down and fizzle out.

JULY 4
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! I'm American. I was born in Detroit and grew up in Allen Park, Michigan. I've been in Canada since I was 18 years old, so I've lived most of my life outside my native land. My heart aches to go back sometimes, especially today. I would live in one of the Southern States, because I've had enough of northern winters. It wouldn't be around the Gulf of Mexico, though.

JULY 5
A person who is standing on a street corner in a city can’t see events that are happening two blocks away but transplant that person to the top of a skyscraper and events many blocks away become visible. There's no psychic ability involved - it's just perspective.

Right now, I'm standing on the street corner. My Overself (Higher Self) is viewing all activity from on top of the skyscraper. I can't see what's coming down the street, but my Overself can, and it positions me. (I'm feeling very guided today.)

The John Travolta movie, Michael, pops into my mind. Throughout the movie, Arch-Angel Michael is openly directing and finally physically leading the main characters.

I sense that my Overself is helping me become aware of something. A thought surfaces that stuns me! It explains a lot about what's been happening in my life lately, but I never considered it as a causative factor before.

My energy immediately starts flowing better in my body, so the implanted block that has been suppressing the realization of this possibility has been dissolved. The sudden surge of energy, and the good feeling which naturally accompanies it, is proof enough for me to verify the accuracy of the surfacing thought.

I can't tell you any details about the thought. If I did, I would have to explain a lot more about my past than I'm willing to reveal. The question is: What do I do about it? The answer is: Fight them.

JULY 6
Once you realize that you're an energetic being, you understand that not every fight is on the physical level. This fight is spiritual, because I'm summoning help from the angelic realms. I started last night, and I already feel a difference in the 'status quo' energy today. There's been a shift. (To give you an idea of the power yielded in a spiritual battle, I called in "hundreds of millions of legions of angels." Now, that's an army!)

JULY 7
The battle continues and so does my everyday life. There is no carnage on the battlefield...just dissolving energetic connections and shifting of energies. No casualties; no injuries; no weapons of mass destruction. It's an invisible war, but a war nonetheless. There will be victory and defeat, and defeat isn't an option to me - not when I'm protecting someone.

JULY 8
I'm always surprised when I open my eyes in the morning. When I fall asleep, I'm placing myself into a state of vulnerability. (Increased awareness comes with it but not of this world.) Since I recognize that I'm an energetic being in a world that is a construct of energy, I acknowledge that no location is, or ever can be, secure - or even defined - so I'm delighted to still be here when I wake up.

JULY 9
What are my responsibilities toward this world? How much do I endanger myself to protect others? I have pondered these two questions for awhile now. And, as I do, more damage is being done to our planet. It's time to 'rev up' the power of love and use it as a 'weapon' against the negative forces. The next time I'm in a major city, I will hunt.

JULY 10
Something happens at work today that shows me how quickly the best laid plans can fall apart and a situation can become critical. In the heat of the moment, there's no time to pull back and regroup. Decisions have to be made on the spot. Right or wrong, action must be taken. It is also a 'wake-up' call to me. I lost my assertive spirit along the way somewhere. It's time to get it back.

JULY 11
I excel on the energetic level when dealing with situations, but I need work on the mental level. I over-analyze and remain quiet until I have all the facts and can make a sound decision. Sometimes, though, the situation doesn't provide the time to do that. It's do or die. I need to make on-the-impulse 'executive decisions' when the need arises.

JULY 12
I keep telling myself, "I am here and now." This simple method enables me to stay in the moment, to be present. I focus on my breathing to enhance it. When I do this, everything becomes more vibrant to my senses. I realize it's because I am putting more of my consciousness into the creation of my reality. In other words, I'm paying attention to it.

JULY 13
'Knowing' manifests in my mind and heart. That's the feeling that something is going to happen (or is happening), and there is absolutely no doubt about the accuracy of it. As I feel this inner certainty about the future, a joyous and contented sensation washes over me. I find myself smiling.

JULY 14
My mindset is re-adjusting to the changes that are occurring inside and outside of me. I feel that I'm being positioned by fate. Something is coming. I need to be in the right place at the right time.

My van (a.k.a. Starship) springs a brake fluid leak, so I slowly drive to the garage and leave it there to be repaired. If something is coming or I need to be somewhere today, it's public transit or walking!

JULY 15
A thought occurs to me about the 'here and now.' Why can't I have a 'there and now?' Does the there become here or the here become there if I want it to do so? Do I have to move or does time and space move around me? Does anything move? Am I here only because I believe I am? What if I believe I'm somewhere else? Am I there? Why do I feel I've done this before?

JULY 16
Everyone exists in the NOW, but they don't pay attention to it. People distract themselves too much. Listen and see what is happening around you, and you will feel your senses come alive.

JULY 17
I don't trust Starship, so I haven't traveled much this summer. It's been in Space Dock too often to be dependable. I had planned a lot of trips, so it's disappointing.

JULY 18
Do you wish you could start all over again when things go awry? Would you like to back out of every bad decision and inappropriate action and begin anew? I do, and I would. (It's best not to go any further with this one.)

JULY 19
I've been home for a few days, and I think I'm sinking into a 'blue funk.' I usually don't dwell on the negative, but I have been lately. Michael, my business coach, came over today, and my outlook definitely discolored the session. I need to rally myself...and soon!

JULY 20
I know what's wrong, but I'm not given a chance to fix it. (Enough said...)

JULY 21
I need someone to bring a smile to my face by a random act of kindness. I need someone to talk to me. I need to feel like I exist.

JULY 22
It's hard to face my faults. I know what I did, and I will never do it again. I know what I didn't do, and I will do it from now on. I have learned valuable lessons.

JULY 23
I wouldn't last very long in solitary confinement. I would be yelling, "Talk to me!!! Anyone!" at the cell door. That's what I feel like now, and I'm not even in solitary confinement. Bad sign.

JULY 24
I see both sides of any conflict, and I have a strong, natural, instinctive desire to balance things. I am Libra on the Zodiac wheel (Oct 1). I'm trying to resolve this situation, but I can't because the other side of the scale won't weigh in.

JULY 25
I work this weekend, and it's really busy! People are talking to me, so I don't feel ignored anymore. It's strange how important acknowledgment through communication is and to see the lengths that people go to be noticed. Whether they do good or bad things, the end result they're seeking is the same: pay attention to me!

JULY 26
I'm on vacation and smarter this week. I won't stay inside too much, so I won't go as crazy as I did last week. I decide to go for a late-night drive and end up at Wildwood Lake. I walk to my favorite spot by the shore. It's peaceful here. I enjoy the beauty of the scene, but I also watch for UFOs. Nothing shows up tonight. Of course, nothing showing up doesn't mean that there is nothing there. I wish I could see into the higher vibratory levels.

JULY 27
I was in Muskoka at Oscar Magosci's lot this time last year, being devoured by black flies during the day and mosquitoes during the night. I have no desire to go back this year and serve myself up on a platter to the local insect population again. I'll wait until the fall when the weather is cooler, and the bugs are dead.

Instead, I spend the 35th anniversary of Oscar's odyssey in Stratford. I find his book, MY SPACE ODYSSEY IN UFOS, and settle down to read it...again.

On July 27,1975, Oscar heeded Quentin's advice (given to him months earlier at a Psychic Fair in Toronto) about possible UFO activity in the Muskoka region and returned to his lot in that area. His first night's vigil by the campfire was uneventful.

JULY 28
Since 2002 (the year he died), I read Oscar's book during these days in July. It seems fitting to do so...to remember and honor him. He was a courageous man.

The next day, July 28, a strong conviction about an impending UFO encounter came over Oscar. "I knew they were on their way to transit into this dimension, and sometime that night I'd be visited by a UFO. There wasn't even a pulsating glow in my mind, yet I knew they were coming and that there was only a few more hours left before actual show-up time."

The hydro fails in my apartment as a thunderstorm unleashes torrential rain and hail. I look at the clock to note what time the storm hit: 3:45 p.m. That time keeps showing up. I wonder why.

JULY 29
I walk down the block to a small park, nestled among the apartment buildings and houses. It's 0130, and no one is here - except me. I sit and watch the sky, enjoying the stars and searching for UFOs. The night is cool and fresh, much better than my hot, stuffy apartment.

Just past midnight on July 29, Oscar perceived the approach pattern of a blinking orange light on a descending, zig-zag course toward him. "And there it was! What a dramatic moment! Not more than about sixty feet from me, a real flying saucer was hovering in the air just a few feet above the ground."

Nothing more for this month.

Journey to the Edge of the Universe

FORTY FAVORITE FASCINATING FACTS FILE

(Try saying this fast five times!)

A diamond is the hardest natural substance on earth, but if it is placed in an oven and the temperature is raised to about 763 degrees Celsius (1405 degrees Fahrenheit), it will simply vanish, without even ash remaining. Only a little carbon dioxide will have been released.
Can’t remember if an egg is fresh or hard boiled? Just spin the egg. If it wobbles, it’s raw. If it spins easily, it’s hard boiled. A fresh egg will sink in water, a stale one will float.
Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon.
"Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
Coca-Cola would be green if coloring weren’t added to it.
Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.
The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.
Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!
Some worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food!
Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe!
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different!
Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
One out of 20 people have an extra rib.
The Great Pyramids used to be as white as snow because they were encased in a bright limestone that has worn off over the years.
Orcas (killer whales), when traveling in groups, breathe in unison.
There are more than 2,400 flea species in the world.
Scallops have approximately 100 eyes around the edge of its shell.
The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth is called Arachibutyrophobia.
The hydra, which is related to the jellyfish, can grow its body back in a couple of days if it is cut in half.
It costs about 3 cents to make a $1 bill in the United States.
The deepest mine in the world is the East Rand mine, which goes to a depth of about 3,585 meters.
Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."
One-third pound stalk of broccoli contains more vitamin C than 204 apples.
Herbert Hoover, who was the 31st president of the United Stated, turned over all the Federal salary checks he received to charity during the 47 years he was in government.
Macadamia nuts are not sold in their shells because it takes 300 pounds per square inch of pressure to break the shell.
In 1631, two London bible printers accidentally left the word "not" out of the seventh commandment, which then read, "Thou shalt commit adultery." This legendary book is now known as the "Wicked Bible."
The human body makes anywhere from 1 to 3 pints of saliva every 24 hours.
One of the most dangerous insects is the common housefly. They carry and transmit more diseases than any other animal in the world.
The average iceberg weighs 20,000,000 tons.
A leech has 32 brains.
The highest bridge in the world is located in the Himalyan mountains. It was built by the Indian Army, in 1982, and is about 5,600 metres above sea level.
Thomas Edison designed a helicopter that would work with gunpowder. It ended up blowing up and also blew up his factory.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
One million cloud droplets are needed to make enough water to produce one raindrop.
Charlie Chaplin once lost a contest for a Charlie Chaplin look a like.
Leonardo Da Vinci never signed or dated his most famous painting, the Mona Lisa.
Rice flour was used to strengthen some of the bricks that make up the Great Wall of China.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
The dragonfly has not changed over the last 300 million years.
Taken from various Amazing Facts websites under Fair Use Clause.

MONTH OF JUNE 2010

TO UNDERSTAND JUNE, PLEASE READ MAY FIRST.

JUNE 1
I turn my attention to ODYSSEY and the other goals I want to accomplish before the end of this year. I trust the intelligence of God's Divine Plan. If he and I are meant to be together in the future, it will manifest. I will never stop loving him, but I have to get back to normal functioning.

JUNE 2
Maybe the situation that caused our break-up was instigated by The Divine Plan itself. I wasn't getting anything done with ODYSSEY or my other projects. I spent all my time thinking of and messaging him. Maybe he had to leave to enable me to become productive again. ODYSSEY has to be made into a movie, and I have to get it there. When the time is right, maybe he will come back to me. I know...that's a lot of "maybe's."

JUNE 3
I'm now a friend to the man I love, and that's heartbreaking enough. He refuses to talk to me. I don't know what I've done wrong. And, I'm still being told to "Wait for him." Can it get any crazier? Probably. All I can do is wait and see what happens. (A correction about "...I've done wrong." No, I haven't, and neither has he. I don't believe in "wrong." Everything is exactly the way it should be right now for whatever is planned for us in the future.)

JUNE 4
I'm back to work on ODYSSEY...with such a long 'to do' list! The past few weeks have been a blur. I haven't thought much of anything else, except him. Now, I have to readjust my thinking and try to get on track again. I have the next seven days off. Lots of time to progress ODYSSEY further toward production.

JUNE 5
Being in love and losing him has affected my appetite...in a good way! I got back into my tight jeans today. I can't sit down in them yet, but I'm working on it. Fire up the treadmill! Time to get the sweat running.

I have a unique mind. It creates systems and formulas. I have stayed awake, on more than one night, drawing diagrams and scribbling notes about some obscure idea that I picked up from a creative thought stream. I'm also logical, analytical, and methodical, and I can get things done...but when I want to procrastinate, nothing stands in my way! I'm doing that now. I'm trying to focus on ODYSSEY, but my mind is flitting around and refusing to alight on the screenplay's marketing.

Timing is so important. I know ODYSSEY will go to production with Steven Spielberg as director. I have to wait until the time and situation is right. I may procrastinate doing something for days or weeks then I work for hours to get it done and sent to make the right connections. I know I'm going with 'the flow' when this happens. I have faith it will all work out.

JUNE 6
My sons want me to fill in a profile on e-Harmony. I would be a tough case for an online dating website. I want a very special man: one who isn’t deterred by danger, enjoys adventure and excitement, has an open and brilliant mind that can think ‘outside the box’ and connect to the creative thought stream, possesses a loving and loyal heart, and has the courage and willingness to step off this world with me. I thought I had found him. My sons' requests are falling on deaf ears.

JUNE 7
I message him and say I'm sorry, but he doesn't acknowledge it. I don't even know what I'm apologizing for since I have no idea what I've done. It hurts me so much when he doesn't reply.

JUNE 8
Eight is my lucky number. This might be the start of a series of events that will take ODYSSEY finally to Steven Spielberg. I do feel guided.

I can sit down in my tight jeans now! I went to the doctor today, and I've shed a total of 25 lbs. It's all come off within the last couple of months. I still don't have much of an appetite, so I will probably slim down even more. I'm also back to working out and toning up at GOODLIFE. I'm not as motivated as I was when he was in my life, but it's still a healthy thing to do.

The length of my workouts at GOODLIFE are increasing, and I can tell that I'm getting into shape. I'm not wearing large, loose tops anymore. I'm clad in a black tank top and sleek black exercise pants...and proud of it! I'm getting stronger and going faster and longer on the cardio machines.

JUNE 9
My first thought when I wake up is how much I miss him. My second thought is a question: What do I need to do today to get ODYSSEY to Steven Spielberg? The answer is: Call Creative Artists Agency in L.A. and follow their advice.

I call C.A.A. and speak to a man who tells me that the agency works only on
referrals. I need to have someone who works for C.A.A. or someone who is represented by them to refer me. A meeting would then be set up to discuss my screenplay.

As soon as I receive this advice, I post a status update on Facebook: "I would like to hear from actors who are represented by Creative Artists Agency in L.A. Thank you. Pat" I have a lot of actors as friends, and I'm sure a few of them will have C.A.A. as their agency.

JUNE 10
I always listen to the song that is playing when the radio music alarm sounds in the morning. It is Hedley's new song, Perfect. I focus on its words to see if there's a message to me. Most of the songs, over the last few days, have been significant for what is happening in my broken relationship with him.

In answer to my question: "What do I need to do today to get ODYSSEY to Steven Spielberg?" nothing comes into my mind, so I surmise that I'm to continue with what I started yesterday...the search for a client of C.A.A. to get a referral. I'll leave it as my status. I have the feeling to do lots of friend-questing as well.

JUNE 11
Today's wake-up-to song at 0815 is Daniel Powter's You Had a Bad Day. I listen to the lyrics and marvel at the 'by chance' selections so far.

The answer to my ODYSSEY to Spielberg question is pray. Odd answer. I figure that it's telling me to pray for some connection to happen by putting my mind and energy into a pure potential mix that is presently manifesting. I connect. ( My mind is anywhere I put it, so my thought of Spielberg is with Spielberg at the moment I think it and as long as I keep it there.) I pray that he becomes aware of ODYSSEY soon.

JUNE 12
Today's wake-up-to song at 0515 is Phil Collin's Everything that I am. When I get home from work, I play around with the video camera on my computer. I want to record a welcome message for my Facebook page. I think I could make a half- decent one. It would give my page a personal touch.

JUNE 13
Today's wake-up-to song at 0515 is Mr. Mister's Take These Broken Wings. I swear that I'm not making these up! Every one of the songs over the last four days have been playing when my clock radio alarm goes off. I will continue sharing these songs with Facebook until I'm told to stop.

JUNE 14
I wake up to the hosts talking on the radio so there's no 'wake-up-to' song for today. The next song that plays is Michael Buble's Lost, but I can't share it on Facebook because it wasn't playing when the radio came on.

Just before noon, I'm buffeted by energy waves, enough to make me cave in and crumple to the floor. I keep asking, "What's happening?" but I don't know where it's coming from, so I get on Facebook and ask the same question there. The energetic assault subsides, and I'm left wondering what just occurred.

My son comes over. He's shocked at how much slimmer I am and tells me that I look "really good!" It pleases me and makes me sad at the same time. The man whom I started doing this for is gone. I go to GOODLIFE anyway. As I do cardio, I notice a difference in my mind and personality. Is it a result of the earlier energy wave incident?

JUNE 15
Today's wake-up-to song is Huey Lewis and The News, The Heart of Rock & Roll. It's the first song that doesn't have any lyrics about a break-up...a good sign?

I have dinner at Rene's Bistro. It's a very popular Bistro in Stratford, owned by my son, Rene, and his girlfriend, Margaret. The food is excellent, but the company at my table is sadly lacking. I miss him.

I work out at GOODLIFE. I love going late at night, because I am usually the only one in the woman's private upstairs gym. I also work out at home. A rebounder is my favorite mode of exercise, but I use all of their cardio machines. I have to get stronger and toned up as soon as possible. The change in my personality occurs again, and I take note of it.

JUNE 16
I forgot to set my alarm last night. When I turn on my radio this morning at 0837, Chris Daughtry's Life After You is playing. I didn't really wake up to it, so I don't think I should count it. I record it here, but I don't share the video on Facebook.

I'm feeling discouraged today. I go on Facebook and see this status posted in the News Reel:

If you want something; go after it. Go after it with passion and commitment. Make sure that you do not harm anyone; but, pursue your dream with a vengeance. Do not expect help; but accept help if it is offered. Don't be selfish; share your dream and it will become bigger as it materializes. Don't expect anyone to make it happen for you; it's your dream, make it happen yourself!

The timing of this amazes me! On the day I need encouragement, it's there, in perfectly picked words, for me to read. I have to take an active role in the manifestation of my dreams. I've been 'slacking off.' I need to bring ODYSSEY to production. I've let it 'slide' for too long.

As far as mending our broken relationship, I feel it's beyond anything I can say or do. I think it's going to need help from above to heal it, so I release it - here and now - to the universe.

JUNE 17
When I wake up, I immediately know that it's time to stop sharing the first song I hear on the radio in the morning on Facebook. (I will continue to listen to the song, as I did before, for guidance, though. Today, it is Kelly Rowland's Unity.) There are so many things that have been 'sitting on the sidelines,' waiting to be done. Where do I start?

JUNE 18
I have finally relinquished control of trying to mend our relationship, and an increased amount of energy is surging through me. I return to trusting the universe (The Divine Plan, Higher Power, God) to bring what is meant to be into manifestation. I have so much to do! Why couldn't all this inspired realization have happened seven days ago? I had the free time then.

JUNE 19
I didn't know I had lost my mind, so it was a strange feeling when I regained it. I'm an intelligent woman. Yet, my intellect was feeble throughout the month of May and part of June. All I could think of was him. I wasn't able to mentally function. Now, I can. I'm still in love with him, but I hold that in my heart, not in my head anymore. I will keep it there until I see what the universe manifests.

JUNE 20
I can't lie completely still for any length of time, not even five minutes. If I do, I shift. Some portion of my body (usually my hands) will begin to move before then - and not under my own control - in an effort to stop the shift. It's bizarre to feel myself moving without any conscientious effort on my part. I'm not able to stay still long enough to find out what happens if I stay still long enough. One of these days, though, I'll figure out a way to do it...and remain conscious.

"HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!" I don't know how many people read my blog, but I appreciate every one of you. And, if you're a father, this is your special day to be appreciated. Enjoy it! You deserve it!

JUNE 21
I've been experiencing personality changes lately. They have occurred mostly when I'm driving. I become hyper-focused and highly efficient. (It happens when I'm driving alone, not when I have someone to talk to who keeps me on an interactive level.) It doesn't impede my driving ability; in fact, it improves it. I drive faster and with greater skill. I feel my personality and thought processes alter while working out at GOODLIFE as well.

JUNE 22
Have you ever run into someone you should have known by sight, and you didn't recognize them...until it dawns on you, long afterward, who they were? The timing was off. Your mind was preoccupied with other things and didn't make or feel the connection. Life has such a tragic sense of irony sometimes.

JUNE 23
I know that some of my blog subjects have been strange. Before I write the daily entry, I ask for guidance. I sit back, close my eyes, and open my mind. What comes in, ends up on my blog...usually. Sometimes, I just fall asleep.

JUNE 24
Here's a question to ponder: if everything you wanted was offered to you right now, but you knew it wasn't what you were supposed to have or do in your life, would you take it? Would you be able to take it?

JUNE 25
Michael Jackson died one year ago today. The radio is playing M.J. songs and honoring his many accomplishments while on this earth. He was a truly great talent and a loving, tender soul! He changed the world into a better place. Rest in peace, Michael.

JUNE 26
The G-20 in Toronto erupts into violent demonstrations. Being American, I refrain from taking part in Canadian protests. That doesn't mean I'm weak. On the contrary, I can take care of myself when the need arises. I fought to survive in the past, and I won't hesitate to do it again in the future.

JUNE 27
I smell a "Problem-Reaction-Solution" odor to the "allowed" destructive demonstrations by the masked cowards in Toronto. (I wonder how bold they would be if they couldn't hide their faces.) The G-20 organizers have to justify the money spent on security in some way...don't they? What would the public say if nothing happened? Of course, if they really had security in the first place, there wouldn't have been burning police cruisers or smashed store front windows.

I watch the late-night news. The police were indiscriminate in their arrests today. Protesters and innocent bystanders were hauled away and thrown into a 'holding' center. Since I plan on attending a major protest in Toronto (in a passive mode only), I might have to wear a T-shirt that reads: I'M LOST AND JUST WANDERING AROUND. DON'T ARREST ME; or, how about: I'M AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER. THE PROTESTER YOU WANT IS OVER THERE (with pointing finger), or, even better: I'M A CIVIL RIGHTS OBSERVER. I feel and see energy. I want to experience the energy generated by a mass demonstration 'up close and personal.'

JUNE 28
There's no greater thrill to some people than to know that they are living in a situation where they could die at any second, and the dividing line between life and death is easily crossed by a whim of fate. It's the "what if?" that makes their life so present...in the moment...NOW! That's why I created S.I.T. Three rules, four questions, five days, and the goal is to survive it. I might even make up a button: I WENT ON A S.I.T. AND LIVED TO BOAST ABOUT IT.

JUNE 29
I have written some outlandish-sounding things in this blog. I assure you, they are all true. I consider my ODYSSEY blog in the same context as a diary, and I never lie in a diary. (What's the point of having one if I don’t write the truth in it?) I also pride myself in speaking and writing the truth in my everyday life.

Ask me a question. I’ll tell you the truth. I also have the right to say, “No comment” to a question. I keep my promises of confidentiality to others.

Can you trust my answer? I have family members and friends who say, "Yes!" and vouch for my integrity, honesty, and trustworthiness.

JUNE 30
I write to him often, but I don’t send them. (What’s the use? He won’t reply.) I want to ask him, "Do you feel it?” I wake up in the morning, and he’s in my mind. He stays there all day and he doesn't fade until I fall asleep at night. This is not just me thinking about him. I can't keep the same thought in my mind for over 15 hours! I need to know if he feels this connection, too.

THE WORLD AND LIFE - ACCORDING TO PAT

Within each of us, there is a spirit
that walks the solitary sands of a desert isle.
***
Life is a tapestry of learning experiences and we all weave a thread.
***
Time has neither beginning nor ending,
Only a constant flow,
Where I have been,
Where I will be,
I have watched myself go.
***
The present is only a heartbeat long.
The past and future are but back-to-back bed fellows.

High Flight

MONTH OF MAY 2010

MAY 1 - MAY 13
I am lost in a star-filled haze and don't remember much, except floating through these days. All I can think about is him. He's an extraordinary man! He is every thing I have ever wished, dreamed, and desired from the universe. I have never felt so good, so positive, and so alive! Ahhh...I am in love!

MAY 14
My life goes terribly wrong today. I lose the love of my life because of a stupid, unintentional mistake.

MAY 15
Even though I am hurting inside, a gentle voice in my mind is saying, "All is right. Wait for him." And I do. He comes back to me for a brief time.

MAY 16
He is going through so much trauma right now. I ache with him. I long to hold him. I come home from work to heartbreak.

MAY 17
Nothing helps. He is gone.

MAY 18
I never even had a chance to meet him. I saw his picture on Facebook, and something 'clicked' in my mind. We started writing to each other. Our souls connected. It was meant that our lives touch, even though we never did. I marvel at what and how God gifts us and then takes away, leaving us to wonder why.

MAY 19
He no longer trusts me...and that hurts so deeply! I defended my integrity, but it wasn't enough. He didn't believe me. He couldn't believe me...the trust was gone.

I try to write goodbye to him here, but I can't. That is one thing I was told never to do. If God's Divine Plan is for us to be together in the future and it somehow manifests, I will be in 'shock and awe.'

MAY 20
I'm easing back into life - moving on - one NOW moment at a time. The present is a gift. I hold onto it with a tighter grip than before.

MAY 21
The only good thing about being in love and losing him is that it's been great for my diet. I haven't been eating much lately, so the pounds are falling off. I also haven't been feeling very well...I guess that's why they call it being 'love sick.'

I look around at the condition of my apartment. I have badly neglected it. I spent almost every day, sitting at my computer, writing to him. (I'm sure you're wondering why I don't put a name to him. It's private. That's the way it should be, and that's the way it will remain.)

MAY 22
Today, I think a lot about trust. What does it mean to me? Trust is knowing that I am talking to a genuine person...someone who has no hidden agenda. When I ask a question, it is answered with only the truth. When I tell a secret, I know it will never be told to anyone else. When I open myself and become vulnerable, that person will never take advantage of it and hurt me. All of this was in our relationship...until the mistake. What is a mistake? It is: "to misunderstand; an unintentional error." And because of a misunderstanding of my unintentional error, all we had was suddenly gone.

MAY 23
I am in 'shock and awe.' God healed our wounds with an angelic touch, and two hearts are beating together again. I am humbled by the magnificent intelligence of His Divine Plan.

MAY 24 - MAY 30
I have been 'on top of the world' emotionally for most of these days, but on May 30, he stopped writing to me. I don't know why. I don't know what I said or did. The only thing I can do is give it back to God and His Divine Plan to mend. I can't fix it when I don't know how it has been broken. I know everything happens for a reason. He has to go through this, and so do I.

MAY 31
He is gone...again. I don't understand why or what happened. I am heartbroken. The pain is incredible! I love him so much.

Is he doing this because he feels that I would be better off without him? All he has to do is connect to my heart to know the answer. I will never be better without him - he completes me. "One soul in two bodies...."

A gentle voice in my mind is saying, "All is right. Wait for him." And I do. Always.