MONTH OF JUNE 2010

TO UNDERSTAND JUNE, PLEASE READ MAY FIRST.

JUNE 1
I turn my attention to ODYSSEY and the other goals I want to accomplish before the end of this year. I trust the intelligence of God's Divine Plan. If he and I are meant to be together in the future, it will manifest. I will never stop loving him, but I have to get back to normal functioning.

JUNE 2
Maybe the situation that caused our break-up was instigated by The Divine Plan itself. I wasn't getting anything done with ODYSSEY or my other projects. I spent all my time thinking of and messaging him. Maybe he had to leave to enable me to become productive again. ODYSSEY has to be made into a movie, and I have to get it there. When the time is right, maybe he will come back to me. I know...that's a lot of "maybe's."

JUNE 3
I'm now a friend to the man I love, and that's heartbreaking enough. He refuses to talk to me. I don't know what I've done wrong. And, I'm still being told to "Wait for him." Can it get any crazier? Probably. All I can do is wait and see what happens. (A correction about "...I've done wrong." No, I haven't, and neither has he. I don't believe in "wrong." Everything is exactly the way it should be right now for whatever is planned for us in the future.)

JUNE 4
I'm back to work on ODYSSEY...with such a long 'to do' list! The past few weeks have been a blur. I haven't thought much of anything else, except him. Now, I have to readjust my thinking and try to get on track again. I have the next seven days off. Lots of time to progress ODYSSEY further toward production.

JUNE 5
Being in love and losing him has affected my appetite...in a good way! I got back into my tight jeans today. I can't sit down in them yet, but I'm working on it. Fire up the treadmill! Time to get the sweat running.

I have a unique mind. It creates systems and formulas. I have stayed awake, on more than one night, drawing diagrams and scribbling notes about some obscure idea that I picked up from a creative thought stream. I'm also logical, analytical, and methodical, and I can get things done...but when I want to procrastinate, nothing stands in my way! I'm doing that now. I'm trying to focus on ODYSSEY, but my mind is flitting around and refusing to alight on the screenplay's marketing.

Timing is so important. I know ODYSSEY will go to production with Steven Spielberg as director. I have to wait until the time and situation is right. I may procrastinate doing something for days or weeks then I work for hours to get it done and sent to make the right connections. I know I'm going with 'the flow' when this happens. I have faith it will all work out.

JUNE 6
My sons want me to fill in a profile on e-Harmony. I would be a tough case for an online dating website. I want a very special man: one who isn’t deterred by danger, enjoys adventure and excitement, has an open and brilliant mind that can think ‘outside the box’ and connect to the creative thought stream, possesses a loving and loyal heart, and has the courage and willingness to step off this world with me. I thought I had found him. My sons' requests are falling on deaf ears.

JUNE 7
I message him and say I'm sorry, but he doesn't acknowledge it. I don't even know what I'm apologizing for since I have no idea what I've done. It hurts me so much when he doesn't reply.

JUNE 8
Eight is my lucky number. This might be the start of a series of events that will take ODYSSEY finally to Steven Spielberg. I do feel guided.

I can sit down in my tight jeans now! I went to the doctor today, and I've shed a total of 25 lbs. It's all come off within the last couple of months. I still don't have much of an appetite, so I will probably slim down even more. I'm also back to working out and toning up at GOODLIFE. I'm not as motivated as I was when he was in my life, but it's still a healthy thing to do.

The length of my workouts at GOODLIFE are increasing, and I can tell that I'm getting into shape. I'm not wearing large, loose tops anymore. I'm clad in a black tank top and sleek black exercise pants...and proud of it! I'm getting stronger and going faster and longer on the cardio machines.

JUNE 9
My first thought when I wake up is how much I miss him. My second thought is a question: What do I need to do today to get ODYSSEY to Steven Spielberg? The answer is: Call Creative Artists Agency in L.A. and follow their advice.

I call C.A.A. and speak to a man who tells me that the agency works only on
referrals. I need to have someone who works for C.A.A. or someone who is represented by them to refer me. A meeting would then be set up to discuss my screenplay.

As soon as I receive this advice, I post a status update on Facebook: "I would like to hear from actors who are represented by Creative Artists Agency in L.A. Thank you. Pat" I have a lot of actors as friends, and I'm sure a few of them will have C.A.A. as their agency.

JUNE 10
I always listen to the song that is playing when the radio music alarm sounds in the morning. It is Hedley's new song, Perfect. I focus on its words to see if there's a message to me. Most of the songs, over the last few days, have been significant for what is happening in my broken relationship with him.

In answer to my question: "What do I need to do today to get ODYSSEY to Steven Spielberg?" nothing comes into my mind, so I surmise that I'm to continue with what I started yesterday...the search for a client of C.A.A. to get a referral. I'll leave it as my status. I have the feeling to do lots of friend-questing as well.

JUNE 11
Today's wake-up-to song at 0815 is Daniel Powter's You Had a Bad Day. I listen to the lyrics and marvel at the 'by chance' selections so far.

The answer to my ODYSSEY to Spielberg question is pray. Odd answer. I figure that it's telling me to pray for some connection to happen by putting my mind and energy into a pure potential mix that is presently manifesting. I connect. ( My mind is anywhere I put it, so my thought of Spielberg is with Spielberg at the moment I think it and as long as I keep it there.) I pray that he becomes aware of ODYSSEY soon.

JUNE 12
Today's wake-up-to song at 0515 is Phil Collin's Everything that I am. When I get home from work, I play around with the video camera on my computer. I want to record a welcome message for my Facebook page. I think I could make a half- decent one. It would give my page a personal touch.

JUNE 13
Today's wake-up-to song at 0515 is Mr. Mister's Take These Broken Wings. I swear that I'm not making these up! Every one of the songs over the last four days have been playing when my clock radio alarm goes off. I will continue sharing these songs with Facebook until I'm told to stop.

JUNE 14
I wake up to the hosts talking on the radio so there's no 'wake-up-to' song for today. The next song that plays is Michael Buble's Lost, but I can't share it on Facebook because it wasn't playing when the radio came on.

Just before noon, I'm buffeted by energy waves, enough to make me cave in and crumple to the floor. I keep asking, "What's happening?" but I don't know where it's coming from, so I get on Facebook and ask the same question there. The energetic assault subsides, and I'm left wondering what just occurred.

My son comes over. He's shocked at how much slimmer I am and tells me that I look "really good!" It pleases me and makes me sad at the same time. The man whom I started doing this for is gone. I go to GOODLIFE anyway. As I do cardio, I notice a difference in my mind and personality. Is it a result of the earlier energy wave incident?

JUNE 15
Today's wake-up-to song is Huey Lewis and The News, The Heart of Rock & Roll. It's the first song that doesn't have any lyrics about a break-up...a good sign?

I have dinner at Rene's Bistro. It's a very popular Bistro in Stratford, owned by my son, Rene, and his girlfriend, Margaret. The food is excellent, but the company at my table is sadly lacking. I miss him.

I work out at GOODLIFE. I love going late at night, because I am usually the only one in the woman's private upstairs gym. I also work out at home. A rebounder is my favorite mode of exercise, but I use all of their cardio machines. I have to get stronger and toned up as soon as possible. The change in my personality occurs again, and I take note of it.

JUNE 16
I forgot to set my alarm last night. When I turn on my radio this morning at 0837, Chris Daughtry's Life After You is playing. I didn't really wake up to it, so I don't think I should count it. I record it here, but I don't share the video on Facebook.

I'm feeling discouraged today. I go on Facebook and see this status posted in the News Reel:

If you want something; go after it. Go after it with passion and commitment. Make sure that you do not harm anyone; but, pursue your dream with a vengeance. Do not expect help; but accept help if it is offered. Don't be selfish; share your dream and it will become bigger as it materializes. Don't expect anyone to make it happen for you; it's your dream, make it happen yourself!

The timing of this amazes me! On the day I need encouragement, it's there, in perfectly picked words, for me to read. I have to take an active role in the manifestation of my dreams. I've been 'slacking off.' I need to bring ODYSSEY to production. I've let it 'slide' for too long.

As far as mending our broken relationship, I feel it's beyond anything I can say or do. I think it's going to need help from above to heal it, so I release it - here and now - to the universe.

JUNE 17
When I wake up, I immediately know that it's time to stop sharing the first song I hear on the radio in the morning on Facebook. (I will continue to listen to the song, as I did before, for guidance, though. Today, it is Kelly Rowland's Unity.) There are so many things that have been 'sitting on the sidelines,' waiting to be done. Where do I start?

JUNE 18
I have finally relinquished control of trying to mend our relationship, and an increased amount of energy is surging through me. I return to trusting the universe (The Divine Plan, Higher Power, God) to bring what is meant to be into manifestation. I have so much to do! Why couldn't all this inspired realization have happened seven days ago? I had the free time then.

JUNE 19
I didn't know I had lost my mind, so it was a strange feeling when I regained it. I'm an intelligent woman. Yet, my intellect was feeble throughout the month of May and part of June. All I could think of was him. I wasn't able to mentally function. Now, I can. I'm still in love with him, but I hold that in my heart, not in my head anymore. I will keep it there until I see what the universe manifests.

JUNE 20
I can't lie completely still for any length of time, not even five minutes. If I do, I shift. Some portion of my body (usually my hands) will begin to move before then - and not under my own control - in an effort to stop the shift. It's bizarre to feel myself moving without any conscientious effort on my part. I'm not able to stay still long enough to find out what happens if I stay still long enough. One of these days, though, I'll figure out a way to do it...and remain conscious.

"HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!" I don't know how many people read my blog, but I appreciate every one of you. And, if you're a father, this is your special day to be appreciated. Enjoy it! You deserve it!

JUNE 21
I've been experiencing personality changes lately. They have occurred mostly when I'm driving. I become hyper-focused and highly efficient. (It happens when I'm driving alone, not when I have someone to talk to who keeps me on an interactive level.) It doesn't impede my driving ability; in fact, it improves it. I drive faster and with greater skill. I feel my personality and thought processes alter while working out at GOODLIFE as well.

JUNE 22
Have you ever run into someone you should have known by sight, and you didn't recognize them...until it dawns on you, long afterward, who they were? The timing was off. Your mind was preoccupied with other things and didn't make or feel the connection. Life has such a tragic sense of irony sometimes.

JUNE 23
I know that some of my blog subjects have been strange. Before I write the daily entry, I ask for guidance. I sit back, close my eyes, and open my mind. What comes in, ends up on my blog...usually. Sometimes, I just fall asleep.

JUNE 24
Here's a question to ponder: if everything you wanted was offered to you right now, but you knew it wasn't what you were supposed to have or do in your life, would you take it? Would you be able to take it?

JUNE 25
Michael Jackson died one year ago today. The radio is playing M.J. songs and honoring his many accomplishments while on this earth. He was a truly great talent and a loving, tender soul! He changed the world into a better place. Rest in peace, Michael.

JUNE 26
The G-20 in Toronto erupts into violent demonstrations. Being American, I refrain from taking part in Canadian protests. That doesn't mean I'm weak. On the contrary, I can take care of myself when the need arises. I fought to survive in the past, and I won't hesitate to do it again in the future.

JUNE 27
I smell a "Problem-Reaction-Solution" odor to the "allowed" destructive demonstrations by the masked cowards in Toronto. (I wonder how bold they would be if they couldn't hide their faces.) The G-20 organizers have to justify the money spent on security in some way...don't they? What would the public say if nothing happened? Of course, if they really had security in the first place, there wouldn't have been burning police cruisers or smashed store front windows.

I watch the late-night news. The police were indiscriminate in their arrests today. Protesters and innocent bystanders were hauled away and thrown into a 'holding' center. Since I plan on attending a major protest in Toronto (in a passive mode only), I might have to wear a T-shirt that reads: I'M LOST AND JUST WANDERING AROUND. DON'T ARREST ME; or, how about: I'M AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER. THE PROTESTER YOU WANT IS OVER THERE (with pointing finger), or, even better: I'M A CIVIL RIGHTS OBSERVER. I feel and see energy. I want to experience the energy generated by a mass demonstration 'up close and personal.'

JUNE 28
There's no greater thrill to some people than to know that they are living in a situation where they could die at any second, and the dividing line between life and death is easily crossed by a whim of fate. It's the "what if?" that makes their life so present...in the moment...NOW! That's why I created S.I.T. Three rules, four questions, five days, and the goal is to survive it. I might even make up a button: I WENT ON A S.I.T. AND LIVED TO BOAST ABOUT IT.

JUNE 29
I have written some outlandish-sounding things in this blog. I assure you, they are all true. I consider my ODYSSEY blog in the same context as a diary, and I never lie in a diary. (What's the point of having one if I don’t write the truth in it?) I also pride myself in speaking and writing the truth in my everyday life.

Ask me a question. I’ll tell you the truth. I also have the right to say, “No comment” to a question. I keep my promises of confidentiality to others.

Can you trust my answer? I have family members and friends who say, "Yes!" and vouch for my integrity, honesty, and trustworthiness.

JUNE 30
I write to him often, but I don’t send them. (What’s the use? He won’t reply.) I want to ask him, "Do you feel it?” I wake up in the morning, and he’s in my mind. He stays there all day and he doesn't fade until I fall asleep at night. This is not just me thinking about him. I can't keep the same thought in my mind for over 15 hours! I need to know if he feels this connection, too.